it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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