:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
