have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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