dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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