What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
