I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
