Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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