You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
