I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize