I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
