we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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