Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i out mim tonsoeep
we should paint friendship bongs
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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