That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
