There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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