my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize