You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
