Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just want nice things and good sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
