The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
