goodnight i made you a song goodbye
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
