My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
