I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
