It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
