Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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