she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
