it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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