You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
