Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
