he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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