Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
