Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
