Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
