You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
