im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.