Jerry, you need to find god
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You coming home soon, man?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.