Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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