I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"