Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up