He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
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So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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