you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
