i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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