I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
