that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
