This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
