a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
