dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
