i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
