omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
