Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
