I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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