I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We named our party play list daddy issues
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
