Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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