smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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