so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
