You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
