i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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