Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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