I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When are your genitals available?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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