So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
