My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
