He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
