i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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