I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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