Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
