...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
