Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
