i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
