I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
