someone threw a dead crab at me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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