I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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