I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize