Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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