I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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