the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
