dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
